CARNAL KNOWLEDGE | MARCH 2008 | BACK TO CURRENT
Q&A for your T&A
UR Chicago's resident sexpert doles out advice
by Kitten LeFemme
The dating scene in Chicago has been dry for me, so I put up some profiles online and have met a few guys that way. I went on a few dates each with two of them, but after we hooked up I never heard back from them. We got along well, had tons in common and I don't think that I'm bad in bed -- so what gives? I really don't buy into the, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" adage, but is there some truth to it? – Bovine Blues
No, I don't think there is truth to it. Or, at least, if there is truth to it, you probably don't want to date the person. If one of these guys doesn't want to see you because he thinks you're too quick to get naked, then he isn't exactly a prize. It takes two to do the naked tango, so to hold you to a different standard is not OK.
I think, though, what you are experiencing might be something else: There's a crazy cast of characters who do the online-dating thing, and some people are there to get as many different hook-ups as they can -- and with the anonymity of the Internet, the ability to do that really grows. It's a lot easier to work your way through the people on Match than it is to sleep your way through the Internet, you know? If the hooking up without a follow up is bumming you out, you can always try and establish what the other person is looking for up front.
I have a huge crush on a close friend of mine, and I'm pretty sure he likes me too. The problem: He has a girlfriend. She and I are both bisexual, and after I met her she told him that she was attracted to me. He's been hinting that they want to do a threesome, and while the idea of finally getting to have sex with him is appealing, I am not interested in her at all. Should I go for it? Is there an etiquette to arranging these, and would it be tacky to ask that my contact with her be limited? - To Screw or Not To Screw
When it comes to threesomes, everyone has their own set of rules. A good general rule to have when it comes to anything new and freaky in the bedroom is that boundaries and communication will only help make a better experience. That said, I'm not sure that this is something you should go through with. I can see how this might be enticing -- and a million daydreams might be running through your head about a romance stemming from it. This guy hasn't said that he wants to leave his lady and date you -- he's said he wants to bang two ladies, including his main squeeze. The potential for hurt is high. If you do go through with it, though, be sure to be clear about the fact that you'd rather tag team him with her than to get down with her directly.
Have a question, a concern or a problem that needs fixin'? Drop Kitten LeFemme a line at galoregirls@urchicago.com
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