CARNAL KNOWLEDGE | MAY 2008 | archives: last issue
Q&A for your T&A
UR Chicago's resident sexpert doles out advice
by Kitten LeFemme
I am a 25-year-old single, gay male who can't seem to hold down a relationship -- and to be honest, I don't really want to. I've dated a lot of great guys, but once I've been with them for a few weeks I get the urge to bolt and break up with them. I definitely have daydreams about settling down, but when I get the chance I freak out. What gives? -Runaway Boyfriend
Wait -- you're 25, right? And you're worried because you don't feel ready to settle down? I think that's totally normal and appropriate. Even if you want to commit eventually, you don't need to do it right now. It sounds like you are going out and figuring out what you
like and what you don't like. Just because you meet some nice guys doesn't necessarily mean that they are right for you, or that the timing is right for you to be in a relationship. I suggest that you enjoy playing the field and reveling in your freedom instead of stressing out about not wanting a relationship. This time alone will make you a better partner in the future. Just be sure to make
your intentions and desires known to the guys you date so that you don't end up breaking a heart unnecessarily.
What are your suggestions on how to break a dry spell in a long-term relationship? My boyfriend and I have been together for five years; we live together and haven't had sex in two months because of job stress and busy schedules, and I had a brief stint with the flu. Now I think we are both ready to get back in the sack, but it feels really awkward because it's been so long. I'm not sure what to do to break the ice, even though we've been together for so long. -Break the Drought
Dry spells are no fun, but getting out of them can be. An initial instinct might be just to say to your partner, "Hey, we haven't done it a while, let's go." And that is certainly a valid approach. A more fun one might be to surprise him with a sexy outfit and candles at a time when you are both feeling energized and don't have to rush. Or you could sneak a naughty note into his work bag before he leaves in the morning. Maybe you could just sneak up on him when you're sitting around your place and pounce. The key is to remember the hot times you've had in the past and give yourself inspiration to bust out of your rut. Use the dry spell as an opportunity to create some sexy new memories.
Have a question, a concern or a problem that needs fixin'? Drop Kitten LeFemme a line at galoregirls@urchicago.com
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